Keeping Up With The Joneses

some like it hot

I am a sweater. By that, I do not mean I am a warm article of clothing usually worn during cold weather. I perspire more than the average person and more than I want to, but there are not many solutions to such a condition. An average person wearing a sweater in the summer might cause results similar to those of my condition. My sister-in-law, who always finds a silver lining where I have abandoned a search for one, once told me that it is healthy for me to perspire. I replied that I must be one of the healthiest people on the planet.

That time of year that I dread has arrived, the days of 90+ temperatures and 1 million percent humidity that is standard for the southern part of the States. I guess I should be glad it has waited this long to arrive this year. Tomorrow, my youngest nephew will be graduating from high school under a big white tent in the early afternoon on a lawn in Nashville. Although I am very proud and excited for him, I am not too thrilled with the knowledge that it is going to be 94 degrees with the 1 million percent humidity and little movement of air. I will most likely either embarrass him by what I wear to stay cool or my perspiring if I wear something nice. I am sure that it will not be the first time that I have embarrassed him and probably not the last, but I like to prevent it if I have any control.

Yesterday, while talking to a friend about the upcoming temperatures, she told me that there are some small battery-operated fans on sale at a local store. I don’t think there would be a hand-held fan big enough to cool me off this time of year. When I walk during the summer for exercise, I usually wear a bandanna around my head to prevent liquid (a.k.a. sweat) from rolling down my face. I am not sure that would be the best fashion statement for the graduation ceremony. If only they made mini-air conditioners that are light enough to be attached to a lovely hat.

On the plus side, we will go from the ceremony to a pool party. I will be the only one who will look like I have already been swimming, but it should help cool me down. My oldest nephew may have inherited this condition. Years ago, we went to a miniature golf course in the heat of a summer day and then to a nearby restaurant. The waitress asked if we had been swimming. We said yes so we would not have to talk about our condition in public. He will not be there tomorrow since he is in Germany, so I will have to carry the perspiration flag all on my own. I am sure some of the graduate’s friends will think his aunt is hot, but not in a good way.

scream

The latest update from my nephew, who is exploring a bit before starting his summer job, describes some adventures in Oslo, Norway. He mentions that a group of them re-enacted The Scream, a famous painting by Edvard Munch in 1893. The landscape in the background of the painting is the Oslofjord as viewed from Oslo.

At first, I thought that a re-enactment of Scream would be a little violent. Then I remembered the movie Scream did not take place in Norway. Leave it to me to jump to the first thing in my memory with that name. I am surprised I did not think of the lizard in my backyard since that was technically the last time I wanted to scream.

I do hope he took some photos of the re-enactment.

acting like royalty

Over the weekend, I caught up on the first two seasons of "Downton Abbey". I was skeptical about it in the beginning since I generally do not like shows, books or movies that are dubbed period pieces. Since I also am not inclined to watch a complete series on DVD, due to the time commitment, I was not sure if I would ever watch both seasons and get the DVDs returned to VM who allowed me access to them. As I became familiar with the characters during the first few episodes, I suddenly became more familiar with my couch and the television screen. I was hooked. Watching some of the episodes back to back added to my understanding and enjoyment. I seemed to be able to keep up with the characters and plot easier than when a week occurs in between episodes.

It takes place in England, beginning with the sinking of the Titanic. That took place off screen. I guess they knew James Cameron had already covered that pretty well in his movie about the historic shipwreck. In a nutshell, the drama chronicles the life events of the family of the Earl of Granthem and the staff in charge of making the royals' days more comfortable. It got a little overly dramatic at times, but I ended up either loving or hating each character immensely. Of course, I related more to the staff, but wanted to be living like the blue bloods. They mostly worried about the next meal and what to wear with a mere bell between them and whatever they desired. Of course, I was ready to hate them, but they were lovable at times.

Since the weekend, a few strange things have been happening. They include:

• My inability to speak and/or read without a British accent
• My desire to write formal correspondence, beginning with my thank you note to VM for the "borrowment" of the DVDs - I had to type my letter and print it out since my handwriting is basically illegible
• Late Sunday, I waited for the dinner bell to ring and to be served a multi-course meal. Then I remembered I don't have a staff.
• I was late to work Monday because I was waiting on the chauffeur who does not exist.
• Each morning, I have spent hours braiding and putting my hair up.
• I keep looking for a corset.
• My chin has been held a few degrees higher than before the weekend.
• I keep wondering why my wine is not in a pretty crystal decanter.
• I have taken carrots out into my backyard for the horses I do not have.

I assume that I will eventually snap out of this royal trance but until then, I will continue to search for a staircase that leads up to my palatial second floor. I know it is here somewhere.

bowling are not us

My company's annual participation in the Junior Achievement Bowl-a-thon took place yesterday afternoon. I like to call it Bowling For Da Children. Since this event is the one time that I bowl each year, I would imagine most of my readers would correctly assess my skill level as a bowler to be in the poor range. I have hopes each year that I will be better, but apparently that is not possible without some practice. Admitting that I am bad at something is difficult. What is even more difficult is to admit that my score was worse than a team member who did not even show up.

The rest of the team took turns bowling for BS (yes, those are his real initials) and we each bowled better when bowling for him for some odd reason. At least for the first game of two, he came in second so he was only beaten by AB who was physically there. The second game was a blur of lost hope and desperation. I do know that AB won that one, too. I told her that if the whole marketing occupation does not work out for her, there is always a career in bowling. I marked bowling off of my possible career moves after having my hopes dashed yet again. The list keeps getting shorter and shorter.

I blamed the ball. I blamed the wrist brace that I wore to protect further damage to my carpel tunnel. I blamed the volume of the music (not loud enough). I blamed a hang nail. I blamed the added apparel that our team captain brought in order for us to look more tropical since the theme revolved around Hawaii. I blamed the ugliness of the bowling shoes. I blamed the knot in my shoe string. I blamed the distraction of the ball used by the team beside us. It looked like a round peppermint. I blamed the tightness of my pants around my waste since we ate at Buffalo Wild Wings before we bowled.

So much blame and so little time. Before I could notice any marked improvement, our time at the alley was over. I guess there is always next year to get that perfect score. We raised some money to help the Junior Achievement organization, which is the important thing. It is a good thing that they don't receive money per pin that I knock down.

downtime and Downton

Life can sometimes get in the way of my writing, but without experiencing a life I would have nothing to write about. Constant activities can also prevent any downtime, which I need occasionally in order to feel revitalized. The last few weeks have been filled with mostly happy times with a few sad things that make me realize I need to cherish the happy times even more.

Not only have I not been able to find the time to write anything, my DVR is 90% full and my Kindle finger is itching to download the last book of The Hunger Games trilogy. I have to get a few neglected household chores done first, because I know that once I download that book, I will get nothing else done until I complete it. 

I also have DVD's of "Downton Abbey" that I borrowed from a friend weeks ago and a Netflix movie that I have had for a month. Maybe after this weekend of reflection and relaxation, I can find inspiration for the writing of more posts. I don't want my posts to be about nothing, although Jerry Seinfeld made a whole show about nothing and it was pretty good.

Germany or bust

My oldest nephew was not able to join the Easter festivities this year since he is attending college in Houston, TX. It was a long drive for a chocolate bunny I guess, even for me. I sent him photos of the boys that we enlisted for our egg hunt since my nephews and their cousins are teenagers. He responded with: “I think I've finally accepted that it's time to forfeit my youngness and cuteness and let somebody else have a turn. It looks like Easter is in good hands.”

He also let me know some details about his summer plans, which have been up in the air for weeks. Instead of going to Argentina, which was the last destination discussed, he will be heading to Germany. He will be doing some work that he detailed in the e-mail, but lost me just a few words into it. In the description, he threw out some acronyms, but I have become desensitized to acronyms since we are big users of them where I work. Now, I just hear blah | blah | blah whenever three letters are said or written in sequence.

The fate of his sour dough bread starter was also discussed. He is wondering if his parents could babysit it while he is in Germany. His paternal grandmother can provide him another batch upon his return, but I think he may have become attached to this particular batch. I keep telling him not to get too attached to things.

I am so excited (and jealous) he is having such adventures. Can his mother and I avoid the temptation of heading to Germany this summer? The answer may be nein.

twister

Here's a story 'bout a lovely lady
Who was bringing up two very lovely girls.
When the sky turned dark, they took some cover;
The air was all in twirls.

I hope that most of you sang this to the tune of "The Brady Bunch" theme music. I was told a story recently about one of my coworkers and her parenting technique as it pertained to tornadic activity while raising her daughters. The family would go to the basement during warnings and play the game Twister. It took the mother's mind off the danger of the storm and distracted the daughters so they never really knew they were in danger. Hearing this story made me smile. Even though I have not had kids, I hope that I would have been that kind of mother.

no fue completado

I was so proud of how productive I was the first part of the day. Then, the drafts I sent out came back with revisions that needed to be made. Many of them were in a language that is not my first language, or my second or third. Truthfully, I am fluent in English and that is it. Some of my friends may not believe even that claim. I support a global company and thankfully there are people in this world who speak more than one language and can assist those of us who have only lived in the southern part of North America.

I really wanted to check something off my list today. Is that too much to ask? Apparently, it is, no matter what language I use.

Tomorrow is another day, as was famously uttered by a lady named Scarlett who was also an inhabitant of the southern part of the North America (fictitiously). I hope tomorrow is a day of completion for some tasks. Maybe I should continue my day of going nowhere and exercise on a treadmill. Nah, I probably would not complete the workout anyway.

trend setter

A few weeks ago, I wrote about a magic trick that JB showed me outside of my office building. I was stunned as he opened his wallet and it caught on fire. Last night, I was watching "Harry's Law" since "Once Upon A Time" was a repeat. The law firm, featured in the show, was taking part in a competition benefitting St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. I guess that was a shout out from Kathy Bates, who plays Harry, and is from Memphis where the hospital is located. I know the Chaplain there. Hey MB!

During the competition, one of the law firm employees was demonstrating some magic tricks which included the exploding wallet of fire. I sent JB a message on Facebook about seeing his trick on network TV. He responded with, "I'm finally a trend setter." I want to be a trend setter too, but I understand that is probably not in the cards for me at this point in my life. I will just continue to be a follower...if only I could follow the trends when they happen and not several years later when a new trend has been introduced.

resistance was futile

I resisted for a long time, telling myself there are plenty of adult books to read and it was not necessary to read The Hunger Games, a young adult novel by Suzanne Collins. A movie based on the first book of a trilogy has been released recently. Again, lots of other movies are available to watch. I knew very little about the book until the movie came out. Last year, I donated to a friend's classroom to help purchase the book for her students. I thought that would be my only connection to it.

When the Harry Potter books were popular several years ago, my excuse to read them was that my nephews were reading them. I wanted to know what it meant when they called me a muggle and talked about the wizardry at Hogwart's. One is in college now and the other is about to be, so I don't think I can use them this time. The oldest is reading Electrical Engineering textbooks. I think I will pass on trying to understand what he is calling me that is related to that. The Hunger Games has a strong female lead, but I have no nieces to use as an excuse.

I could just not admit that I read the first book, hiding out from any prying eyes and reading by flashlight during the wee hours of the morning, but I have a blog and I have not posted in a while. I needed to post something for my faithful followers. Not only did I read the book quickly since it is what they call a page turner, I went to the movie with some friends last night. With all the hype from the movie, AB and I both decided to read the first book and finished about the same time. We then decided that we had to go to the movie.

As AB, her husband and I waited in the theater, we were looking around. Prior to being there, we discussed that we may be joining a bunch of teenage girls in the audience. It was surprising that it was a rather diverse crowd. A couple came in right before the movie and even in the dim lighting, we recognized them as AE and her husband. They joined us on our row. AE has read all of the books. Neither husband had read the books, but their wives gave them a brief synopsis ahead of time. AB stressed the wilderness survival skills that were included in the book and that appealed to her husband enough to join us. Having read the book, she and I were not sure of how seeing some of the scenes would affect us when they were shown on the big screen. It was all tastefully accomplished.

We enjoyed the movie, even though it was adjusted a bit from parts of the book. It is always hard to go from the written page to screen without some omissions or adjustments. I think it would be a good movie, even if someone has not read the book. I also think reading the book did give me a better understanding of some events. Most of the younger actors were unknowns, but Woody Harrelson, Stanley Tucci, Elizabeth Banks and Lenny Kravitz filled many of the adult roles. Most of the casting was "spot on" as the Brits say. Well, I hear that is what the Brits say, but the people usually saying that to me are Americans trying to appear British. For the characters that were not exactly how I pictured, I thought the choices were acceptable.

I am trying to resist the temptation to read the other two books, especially since I have heard they are not as good as the first one. Not always believing what I hear, I wonder how long until I give in. Resistance was futile as it related to the first book and movie. The odds will most likely be in favor of reading the other two. May the force be with you (oh, wait, different movie).